Provision

I'm going to be real for a second. These past 5 months? They've been tough. Don't get me wrong, they've been amazing too. I've loved every minute of everything I've gotten to do, the people I've met, the experiences I've had, and I wouldn't change a single thing. But they've also stretched me more than I thought they would, more than I've been in a long time... possibly ever. I left a very comfortable existence in Charlotte. Jobs that I loved, people I loved, a lifestyle I got used to living, and I think part of me expected that to start right back up once I moved to Nashville. And while some of it did, most of it didn't. Namely the job part, which is no small thing.

But there was one thing I forgot to remember the entire time. In the moments that I let my outward situations tangle my mind, let the errant thoughts of "What if..." creep in. I forgot the word Provision. It was as if every experience in my life up to this point that has proven to me time and time again that I will always have what I need, when I need it, had been wiped from my mind. I got caught up in the "What if.." and "Why hasn't this.." and "What if I can't.." and to put it bluntly, it screwed with my head. I even questioned (though, in all honestly, not for long) my being in Nashville.

However, this morning I woke up with such amazing clarity into that word and it's meaning in my life. It was as if I could "zoom out" and look at my life up to this point from a higher place and see how every single event in my life, big or small, has worked to provide for me. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of times when it wasn't working like I thought it would or should, but it was still working for me, for my good. When I really took a moment to think about it, I saw how many things have occurred over the past 5 months to provide for me, and when I realized that, I was blown away.

Less than a week ago, I was offered a part time job that perfectly fit my schedule and allowed me to do something that I love doing and help a sweet family in the mean time. Since I took that I've had 3 other jobs offered to me that I've had to turn down. Talk about provision? 4 jobs offered in less than a week? 3 in less than 24 hours? Yes, it took me 5 months of being jobless to get to this point... but now, I realize that I needed that experience. It taught me a lot. A. LOT.

But that begs the question: Who am I to question anything, who am I to worry? I've absolutely NEVER had a situation where I didn't end up being provided for, and goodness knows I've got the stories to prove it. I had just forgotten, or let myself get caught up in appearances for a moment so that I couldn't see what was there all along.

I've been raised to know that my life would be provide exactly what I need as I needed it. That's all I've ever known, all I was taught from as early as I can remember. And yet, still, somehow I managed to loose sight of it. Not any more. It's time to realize that I can't look outside myself for what I need. Why would you look for something you already have? If you're cold and holding a coat, you aren't going to go looking for a coat to put on. You're going to put on the coat you're holding. That's a bad analogy, but that's all I've got right now folks. You get my drift.

This was extremely stream of consciousness writing here, probably doesn't make a bit of sense, and I apologize for that. But this is what's going through my mind right now. I haven't filtered it, sifted through it, or tried to tidy it up. And I'm okay with that.

More thinking is going to happen to day... another blog may come from it... we'll see.

Stay tuned.